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We Are all failures, For better or for worse.

We are ALL failures. It’s how we deal with it that sets us apart. No doubt you’ve heard that ‘failure is positive.’ Or somebody regurgitating something like, “you have to fail many times before you succeed.” It’s not wrong. But it’s just the start of the whole understanding of what failure is and how it shapes us. And once you fully understand, it really can transform your life….

our relationship with failure

Failure. Horrible word right? One that immediately alerts you, and can bring your defensive mechanism right up. Why? because of how we have gone through life attaching it to negative events. Failed to make the school team. Failed an exam. Failed driving test. Failed relationship. Failed business venture…. This negative attachment of the word leads to us dealing with failure in one of two ways. And BOTH are detrimental to you fulfilling your potential.


The most common way that we deal with failure is to withdraw or take fewer ‘risks’. This ultimately means quitting on our goals or at the very least making drastic compromises. Neither of which gets us to where we want to be. This coping mechanism creates a HUGE ‘thing’ of failure. It overpowers everything and our predominant thought for the future becomes that failure is bad, it hurts and must be avoided. Even if we did attempt something in the future our mind would be consumed with what we DON’T want, it would make another failure almost certain.


The other way we deal with failure is to make excuses, or blame someone or something else. Each are damaging in their own right. They boil down to IGNORING failure. You probably notice this more in others than you do yourself. “The conditions weren’t fair….. “I didn’t have enough time….. “I did have a slight injury….”. Dealing with the setback in this way, isn’t actually ‘dealing’ with it at all. It’s like creating a big elephant in the room (the room being your mind). And this elephant doesn’t go away because it doesn’t get confronted. Ultimately nothing has been learned, and the failure remains imprinted on your subconscious, destined to happen over and over again.

How we should deal with failure

The truth is, failure is an integral part of our human experience. It’s through failure that we learn, grow, and ultimately become the best versions of ourselves. Yet, many of us are afraid to embrace failure. We fear the embarrassment, the disappointment, and the uncertainty that comes with it. As a result, we tend to focus more on our past mistakes than on what we want going forward.

But why do we do this? Why do we allow our failures to define us and hold us back from reaching our full potential? The answer lies in our mindset. When we focus too much on our past mistakes, we become trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and negativity. We start to believe that we are incapable of success, that we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

Accept and learn

Confronting failure head-on is crucial for personal growth and development. When we hide from failure or choose to ignore it, we deny ourselves the opportunity to learn and grow from our mistakes. Instead of burying our heads in the sand, we should embrace failure as a chance to reflect, analyse, and understand why we fell short.

Exploring the reasons behind our failures allows us to gain valuable insights into our actions, decisions, and thought processes. It provides us with an opportunity to identify any patterns or recurring issues that may have contributed to our downfall. By understanding the root causes of our failures, we can take proactive steps to address them and prevent similar mistakes from occurring in the future.

Embrace failure

Embracing failure fosters a growth mindset, one that views challenges as opportunities for learning and improvement. When we approach failure with curiosity and a willingness to learn, we transform setbacks into stepping stones toward success. Each failure becomes a valuable lesson that propels us forward on our journey toward our goals.

Move on

Finally, we must move on. continually revisiting why we failed without taking constructive action is counterproductive. Obsessing over past mistakes only serves to perpetuate feelings of self-doubt and negativity. It keeps us stuck in a cycle of rumination, preventing us from moving forward and making progress. Dwelling on past failures can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading us to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. By fixating on our past failures, we inadvertently sabotage our future efforts, undermining our confidence and eroding our motivation.

We must see a failure as valuable feedback. Clarification in our minds of what we don’t want and what we do want in the future. This way we can leave it in the past and focus forward.

Above all, a failure is an EVENT, not a person.

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